Marriage is some what of a sacrifice of independence. If handling some mundane task is how your husband feels secure in the relationship, why not let him? You'll have more free time for your own hobbies and he'll feel secure.
He knows you are capable but he needs to feel needed. Let him feel needed. After he does something for you, just a simple thank you or a hug and kiss will do.How do you respect your husband and respect yourself at the same time?
You have to learn to ';pick your battles';. If you resolutely refuse your husband's help in all matters, eventually he will stop trying at all. Then you can be like these other posters who complain ';my husband is not the man I married'; and ';does he love me any more?';. He is a man, and he wants to be your protector and provider. It's hardwired into many men. This is how he is showing you he loves you. Identify things that you can do for yourself, that he wants to do, that are not really a big deal to you. Let him do those things. Thank him, bat your eyelashes at him, hang on his arm and smile. These things will make his heart melt, and he feels like he is taking care of you.
Be assertive and handle the things you want to handle...but let him do some things you may not care to do as much. The best thing you could really do - would be to talk about it with him. Marriage is all about compromise and negotiation...we've had to sit down from time-to-time and evaluate chores/duties to see who/when/where to handle them. It helps to know what the other person is thinking - and it helps to who is on first...
just say thank you
You married a loving, caring man with a big heart who wants to handle everything for a reason. Maybe you're not as independent as you think. Maybe you're just afraid to rely on anyone.
You didn't pick him by chance. Think about it.
you are way over his leauge.. he's treating you like he's gonna lose you or something... but at the same time.. stand up for yourself and tell him ur GONNA do IT!
I would sit down and talk with him and be straight up about it. He does that because he is trying to take care of you, or he feels that he likes things his way, or he may feel that he is better at it. But if you would like to do some things for yourself, then you need to tell him that the things you are capable of doing yourself you would like to do them. Let him know that you guys are in this together and you want to contribute too. Dont be confrontational because that may push him away and he may feel a little rejected. He might like doing these things for you because he already knows that you can handle it for him and he might already know that you appreciate it, and thats why he does it. If he doesnt complain, its most likely because he enjoys taking care of you. If he does complain, the best way to show appreciation is the next time he is in the middle of doing something for you, sneak up behind him and wrap your arms around him and whisper in his ear ';I appreciate you so much'; and then wrap your arms and legs around him and you get an idea of the rest. He'll like that because its physical reaffirmation. But if it really bugs you, then I say jump in and start helping him out, or talk with him about it and just let him know in a nice way like ';honey, I'd really like to do this, I dont want you to go and spoil me'; he'll get the hint. Good luck. Sounds like a good guy though!
You're married and you want to be independent?
I'm sorry but you possess too many misconceptions about marriage.
1. His job in the relationship is to care and provide for you. If you infringe on this, you're cutting off your supply of love.
2. If you persist in treating his attention and reassurance as a threat to your.....well....';manhood'; comes to mind....then you're going to be treated like a smaller husband with breasts.
In other words, not like a woman at all. You'll be a competitor.
3. It's not his need for security; it's his need to provide you with security. Your problem is that you've marginalized his security, thinking ';Hell....I could do that! I don't owe him for that because I'm perfectly willing to do it.';
This is a sure way to get divorced. Content yourself with the idea that, although these taks are mundane, they're ably taken off your plate by a man who loves you. Take pleasure in this!
4. If you desire ADMIRATION more than ADORATION from your husband....you're going to be a very unhappy person. He wants to ADORE you...not admire you. He wants you to ADMIRE him....not adore him.
If you say to yourself: ';I could pick up these boxes. I don't see why he thinks I can't!';...you're going to be miserable.
You'll be much happier saying ';I could pick up these boxes, but he did it because he loves me.';
If you demand respectful recognition for your abilities to do things that he is performing for you, you'll only push him farther away and make him do less for the family.
5. Bottom line: Your independence is not a priority. Your co-dependence as a couple is what will bind you together. Rather than worrying about respect (which will lead you into conflict against your husband) worry about getting your adoration out of the man. Make that your priority.
Remember your wedding....husband AND wife. Not husband OR wife.
Together. Inseparable. One flesh. One body. One family.
Good Luck!
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