How many of you would forgive your husband if he admitted to having had an affair?

If not, how would you handle the divorce? Would you remain friends afterwards?How many of you would forgive your husband if he admitted to having had an affair?
Ya know, that depends entirely on the circumstances. I'm not married, so I don't have any of these circumstances yet. But there's a couple questions I'd need to ask myself before I decided.





-Do we have kids? If so, maybe it's worth it to *try* to forgive him and *maybe* salvage the marriage.


-What were the circumstances of the affair? Was this a woman whom I was suspicious of and repeatedly asked about, and he repeatedly lied about, or is this a woman I knew nothing of? This matters because there's a difference between a lie of omission and and outright lie.


-How old are we? (And, much to my chagrin...) How good do I look? In other words, is it ';too late'; for me to find a new man? If I'm old and unattractive, I'm more apt to try to forgive him because it's doubtful I'd find any other prospects.


-WHY did he cheat? Contrary to what many people believe, people usually don't cheat because they're excessively horny or lustful. It's often because something about their existing relationship is unsatisfying, or because their partner has stopped fulfilling their needs so they've looked elsewhere. In other words, is there anything that *I* did, or failed to do, that caused this? (This doesn't excuse his behavior, but it's still worth taking into consideration).


-Do we have hope for the future? Is it likely that he will cheat and lie again? If the relationship is hopeless and he's likely to cheat again, there's less reason to try to forgive him. If it's the opposite scenario, then it's maybe worth the effort to try to forgive him.





Anyway, like I said, it depends on the circumstances. These are just a few of the many questions I'd need to answer.How many of you would forgive your husband if he admitted to having had an affair?
I think I did forgive him, a couple of times, why I did it? Maybe it was because of my upbringing, catholic, death till you part, blah, blah, blah, I didn't want my kids growing up without their father, but in the end, he didn't really want to be a father, he's still not matured himself.





Friends? No, we try to be civil, there's too much pain and anger in our history.
I would not forgive my husband. When you get married you are suppose to be with that person only. I would probably be very bitter and not be friends after wards. I would just try my hardest to move on and find a better man. I know it would be extremely difficult situation though.
i would get a divorce i we could never be anything but enemies
I wouldn't and we wouldn't remain friends.
not me
yeah, been there done that. he had many. i knew but didn't care. i had one and he couldn't deal. go figure.





wow! i'm so popular tonight...lol.
Been there done that. Back a long time ago he said he had an affair with my best friend because he thought it would help our relationship. I didn't think there was anything wrong with our relationship. Then he said he wanted to get divorced and just live together. I said no, took my stuff and left.


He wanted to be friends and we were sort of for a few monthes. But when the divorce lawyers get done with you, you seem to become more of enemies.


That was 1975 and I would like to find out how his life has turned out since we have had no contact at all for about 30 years.
I would forgive him but would not stay with him. I wouldn't treat him badly but I wouldn't consider him a friend.
Really, it would really very much depend.





A quick drunken fling one lonely night? I doubt that would be a deal breaker, and if it was, I think staying friends would be a real option.





Years of planned deceit, with the same or a series of others that were carefully concealed? I'm out the door. And friendship? I prefer not to have friends who lie to and deceive me.





Cheers :-)
i really tried for 5yrs...i think i forgave him but could not ever forget. he was the only man i had ever been with..i finally left him and made a life for me and my children. he remarried then stated calling me...wanting me to go out with him. cheaters never change!!!!!
I would not, and this did happen to me. I'm not sure if he had sex with her or not, but, frankly, I don't really care. What bothered me is that he lied. No matter what the situation is, I expect my sinificant other not to insult my intelligence by being dishonest with me.





I divorced him, and left him everything, except my books, my clothes and my pc. He bought me out of the condo, but I helped him a lot before I left - organized his bills, made a list of them and put it on the fridge (I used to pay the bills), even found the best possible loan for him in order to keep the place. I handled the divorce myself so no lawyers involved. I just went to the law library and figured it out. It cost me $500 in court fees.





We remained friends for a while but at some point he started blaming me for how his life turned out. You see, he bought a house, a BMW, a new van, and kept the condo. I did tell him it was too much, but he did not listen. He blamed me for bringning him here from Italy. So I stopped calling him, but I didn't fight with him.





He send me a message this Christmas and my mom tells me he regrets what he did. I really don't care either way. Life goes on. I wish him the best of luck.
Not me. Only way TO handle a divorce, through an attorney. No, why on earth would we be friends after something like that? That's just stupid.
It would depend upon the quality of our relationship as a whole. I would pretty much treat him like he treats me..unless he is really hateful and mean..and then I would clean him out! I would always smile when I saw him afterwards...and wave..on my way to the bank.
well im not married and never will be but no if u cheat on me its over
well, atleast he was truthful. i might not forgive him, and i would probably not be friends with him afterwards. marriage is a vow of trust, not deciet.
If we had children, I might give him a second chance..


Otherwise, NO NO NO.





Would I remain friends with him? Maybe, probably not.





If he doesn't even give a crap about me enough to at least stay loyal to me, then he isn't fit to be a friend, either.
I think the deceit around an issue into which a great deal of trust has been placed is what is hard to forgive.





It is a shame that it is so often associated with fidelity.





People work under horrific conditions for abusive bosses to receive a pittance in pay. And our spouses accept this as normal despite the agony, disrespect and loss of dreams and hopes.





And yet when a partner finds a new love, and is joyful, fulfilled, loving and probably only spends a few hours a week doing it, and is usually more affectionate to their partner - its condemned.





The truth for me is that the deceit is whats hard to forgive, but then I have never married, and don't believe in marriage as an institution.





Affairs are only affairs because they break a trust and a promise. And that is what is hard to forgive.
Never. I take a zero-tolerance position on infidelity. If he's already sick of me, he can get the divorce and THEN sleep with her.
i think i will not forgive...will ya?
I would have a hard time just simply ';forgiving'; an unfaithful spouse. Admitting they did a wrong is good, but come on, moving on like they didn't do anything could make them think they could get away with it in the future.





I would separate for a while, until things cool off, at least, then see where I would feel emotionally. Personally, I would not want to get back together with this man. It wouldn't make me comfortable, after he intentionally put me through such distress. I couldn't imagine just saying ';It is what it is.'; (to use the newly ';banned'; word), or ';He made a mistake, and I can learn to cope.'; Because, this is NOT my fault. If there were kids in the situation, I would explain to them WHY there is separation, so they wouldn't be left in the dark, especially if divorce seemed like an option I was leaning towards.





Rather than forgiving him, and forgetting his mistake and that anything bad ever happened, I would forgive his mistake and that anything bad ever happened, and forget HIM.
Being the species of animal we are, I think it is pretty unreasonable to expect to stay hitched to someone for maybe 50 years and not have either party stray a little.





A marriage is not just about the exclusive sexual right over someone it is also about kids, companionship, mortgages, mowing the lawn and the thousands of other little things that make up our daily existence.





So, assuming my partner was treating my right in other ways I would forgive him if his penis led him astray on occasion.