With the economy tanking many are losing their jobs and being squeezed out of the middle class.. Things taken for granted like home ownership, cars, vacations, etc are fast becoming nothing more than a distant memory for millions of people. Namely those that had manufacturing, construction, farming, and more recently finance/stock type jobs, etc. are facing a paradigm shift. How does going from professional wages to cleaning other people's toilets affect your marriage or decision to divorce?How important is it for your husband to support the family?
How would divorce improve anything in that situation? As long as my spouse and I were working, or seeking work (of any kind) to try to keep our bills paid and family fed, that's fine...people fall on hard times. How they handle them is what matters. Throwing in the towel should not be an option.
Divorce costs money...better to stay together and muck through it unless the relationship itself is the issue (not outside forces of job/economy).How important is it for your husband to support the family?
I am a 49 year old male. We got married in 1980.
I own a real estate office, well known franchise. My wife of 29 years is a surgical nurse. In 2003 she took a year off work. Hung out with our dughters, went to Europe for 6 weeks, bought jewelry, went on trips. Came to work at my office as an agent and I fed her deals so she did ok. In 2007 as the market tanked I was not able to keep paying her a salary and she was not able to make any sales. she had to go back to nursing. She loves her job but is angry with me because I can't give her $5000-$10,000 a month that I was giving her. She makes about 100k and our modest home is paid for. It takes 10 grand a month to keep the office open, I have 20 people that work for me barely making ends meet. She is in a constant place of anger towards me. It could be that I also made her quit seeing her BF. She thinks I am a dead beat.
I am and always have been the bread winner in all my relationships. I actually prefer it that way.
To me, just as long as my man is working and taking care of things around the house and helping with the baby that's all that matters.
If my man wasn't working he had better be trying to find a job or be going back to school.
A true loving couple will stick it through the bad times together and take those toilet cleaning jobs together!!!
Vacation?? What the hell is that?? I'm 52 years old and haven't a clue to what that is!! Raised 4 kids alone too. I did all I could to make sure they didn't go hungry and had a roof over their heads. It's called ';FAMILY'; you stick together in good times and Bad!
I was lucky enough to pick a career that is still in very high demand (nursing), and wouldn't really mind if I was the only wage earner. I would like my husband to actively seek employment should the need ever arise, but it wouldn't devastate our finances.
';For better or worse';
if you are going to let something like that ruin the marriage, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. If you love someone, you should find a way to make it work. Divorce should always be a last resort scenario.
Hello Paul,
Financial challenges can indeed put a great burden on any relationship and it can be easy to get sucked into it and feel like wanting to give up on the relationship because of it.
I know so well the level of stress that survival pressure can put on a couple, but I also know that with much care and true dedication, a couple can overcome any challenge.
When checking for main reasons why Marriages Fail, I found the following:
';Not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one reason for the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, we hear some reasons more often than others. They are:
Poor communication
Financial problems
A lack of commitment to the marriage
A dramatic change in priorities
Infidelity';
So financial problems are at the top list for marriage failure, that's sad. But, it doesn't have to be that way.
If one did not get into the relationship for financial reasons, there is no reason in the world why they should break up the relationship for financial reasons.
So what do we do next?
One of the most important things is to KNOW OUR WORTH and OUR PARTNER'S WORTH regardless of our current job or financial situation. We should not let the current situation determine our self worth but rather choose to see it as a temporary hurdle that will soon be changed...
Finding oneself in a situation where we need to clean bathrooms or do other odd jobs can be very hard on a person's self esteem - if we let it.
But do we have to let it?
Absolutely NOT!
Is a person's worth really in their job, their bank account, their profession or title?
A person's worth is in their HEART and mind and personal integrity and honesty. Honesty with one's self and honesty with one's partner. Honesty to admit the different emotions that are triggered by the situation and perhaps finding a time to sit and share all of this with the partner, honestly and humbly sit and COMMUNICATE, SHARE, choosing to support each other rather then fight.
Not being afraid to be vulnerable can bring a mixture of strength and compassion and COMMUNICATION, from my experience, is the most major key for healing any gap in the relationship.
And then... it is also about realizing that there are always options and doors that can open to uplift us from the current crisis. I know that this might seem impossible in the light of the economy and the bad news all around.
But the truth of the matter is that there are people who make money day in and day out even in times of recession. They figured out ways to be recession proof and they are content in their lives. Well, if they can do it, why not you?!
We need to remember that when one hits bottom, they can only go up and keep our mind open to possibilities in order for those to show up in our life.
The biggest problem we have is not with the situation itself but with how we react to it. If we change our reaction and get a new perspective, we can have a whole new experience that will open the door to a new life...
We can transform every situation into an opportunity if we see it this way. Perhaps there is something we have always wanted to do but ';life got in the way'; and so we never got to do it?
If there is such a thing, we might want to look at the current situation as our best opportunity for dusting an old dream and pursuing something new...
I hope this helps in any way and I wish you only the best.
Resource: a decade and a half of marriage.
